'Lets kill Dad, and burn
him on the beach tonight!' Said Dick, he had a huge grin on his tremendously
hideous face, and he had a manic look in his piggy eyes.
Suddenly the tent flaps were pushed open, a burly policeman stood in the
doorway, his helmet knocked slightly from his head by the unnaturally
low awning on our tent.
'Do you know a Mr Daxton?', we all looked at each other, Dick was by now
dribbling saliva and flem down his chin, this was perfectly normal after
his dose of medicine, and on a bad day it could be nearly three feet deep!
We all looked at each other, sensing that something was very wrong, Mum
tried to wake Dad from his drunken stupor by tipping boiling water down
his nostrils, he shrieked and jumped up startled.
The Officer again put his question, Mum blushed before telling him that
we had in fact know Mr Daxton for some considerable length of time.
'What's wrong with Mr Daxton?' Inquired Dick. 'I'm afraid he is dead'.
You could have measured the silence with a thermometer and it would have
read 0.00 Fahrenheit.
'Did he have vomit on his tennis shorts?' I asked tentatively. 'We don't
know son, you see we found his charred remains on the beach, he was surrounded
by human bottom waste, if you know what I mean'.
Dick's dribble seemed to increase in density, it was now like an egg white
mixed with pineapple juice, only not so fruity.
'Is the lad all right?', asked the Policeman, 'His head seems too big
for his body'.
Mum interjected, 'he only has a malformation of the skull Officer, as
long as he takes his medication he will be perfectly OK', I sat still,
frozen on the lounger next to the fridge, Mum shut the fridge door and
I warmed a little. How the hell did Mr Daxton die? Why was he on the beach?
Where did the raw sewage come from? Would the police suspect me and Dick?
What would we have for tea?
'We saw Mr Daxton, didn't we Dick?, It was about five o'clock, he was
hanging around the toilets, being sick in the wash basins, tell me Officer
what time was he found on the beach?'
The large policeman removed his notebook from his back pocket, his truncheon
dangled, shinning in the evening sun. 'He was discovered by member of
the public at 5.40 PM'.
I glanced at my watch, the time was now 6.15, Mr Daxton had been murdered
and burned in the space of forty minutes, I had been with Dick for the
whole day, yet only minutes ago he had suggested burning Dad on the beach,
what the hell was going on?'
'If you can give us any more information we have set up an enquiry tent
behind the shop, I think I'd better start by taking all your names'.
The policeman scribbled down all the details he required and made his
way out of our tent.
'Dick, why did you think of burning Dad tonight?', Dad was shocked to
hear this, as he had been unconscious the first time it was mentioned.
'Dick you little monkey, why were you going to burn me?', 'because you
spent all the family allowance on drink,that's why'.
Dicks head was getting bigger, red veins were sticking out over his forehead,
Mum got a damp flannel from our wash bowl and quickly doused his throbbing
skull, the meeting of skin and wet cloth produced a hiss, but at least
Dicks head seemed to be stabilising.
Suddenly I remembered that Dick had gone to the shop alone to get his
medicine, this would have taken him past Mr Daxton's deluxe caravan, I
had to confront my large headed brother, and the effects could be disastrous.
'Dick, did you see anything on your way to the shop?', Dick broke down
and sobbed, 'Yes, I saw a mans body burning on the beach, it was horrible,
I ran over to help, I got some water from the shower cubicle, it still
had the turds in from our trip to the sewers, I ran away, my head was
getting heavy, I could hardly keep it up. I needed my drugs'.
Mum hugged Dick, as he cried. Suddenly The policeman pushed open our flaps
and he stood breathless in the doorway, 'there's been a development, we've
turned Mr Daxtons caravan inside out for clues, and as I was leaving,
Inspector Blunkett noticed a suicide note on the table. The old man had
been depressed, his eyesight was failing and he thought he might have
to retire from the job he loved. He'd also left an envelope for you two
boy's, Dick and Nigel Spooner, I don't know what it could be, but I would
like you to open it now so that I can see what it is'.
The fat policeman passed the dirty brown envelope to Dick, he examined
it as much as he could, for he still had his head in 'Y' shaped resting
device. 'Here Nigel, you open it', Dick tossed the mysterious package
to me. I looked at it for a minute, my hands were as sweaty as a boxer's
, I ripped off the top of the letter. It was two fifty pounds notes!!!
I'd never ever held some much money, we could have chips, lemonade, ice-cream,
even a meat pie!
My whole body was trembling, the policeman smiled, 'a happy ending after
He departed, leaving us in a jubilous mood, our ecstatic feeling soon
evaporated as Mum snatched the money from my grasp. 'This will get me
one more crack at the Bingo, it's Jackpot night tonight, and you can have
some more whiskey Terry'. Dad eye's sparkled at the thought of more alcohol,
and the two of them bundled out and made there way to Milly's clubhouse.
Me and Dick could not believe what had happened today, we felt so hungry,
and we were on our own, there was no food in the tent save for an old
piece of stale bread and some cheese.
Dick suddenly had an idea, 'lets go and see what Mr Daxton has left in
his caravan, he might have some tasty treats, they'd only be wasted, he
would want us to have them'.
We slipped out into the cool evening air, there was no-one around, they'd
all gone to play bingo. We approached Mr Daxton's Deluxe caravan, the
bedroom window was still open, I'd get through, but Dick would no doubt
get his head stuck in the small aperture. I moved the front steps around
to the back and slowly made my entrance through the tiny bedroom window.
The place looked a mess, I went through the small hall way, which was
dark and smelt and let my brother in via the front door. We were soon
in the kitchen, the fridge held wonders to behold, chicken pies, pork
pies, chocolate bars, crisps, and ice-cream in the freezer section.
We scoffed and scoffed till everything was gone, but we had a warm feeling
in our tummies.
The shop clock chimed ten, for ten o'clock, it was time to get out!
I carefully opened the door and we quietly made our way out, we could
hear the sea crashing on to the beach, and the distant sounds of the fair
ground, we could also hear a more familiar sound, it was Mum and Dad they
were laughing, singing, shouting, whooping and cheering.
Our pace quickened as we neared our tent, we saw the silhouette of Dad
popping a champagne cork, and Mum throwing lots of paper in the air!
We burst in, 'Mum, Dad, what has happened?' Mum turned, 'I've scooped
the jackpot, Ten thousand pounds!!'.
Dick messed himself, I could not take this in. 'You know what this means
boy's?' Said Dad,
'I now have enough money to have you two adopted!'.
Dick's head immediately started to swell, Mum grabbed for the aspirin
bottle but it was empty! Dick's condition was now critical, we had to
get some tablets and quick.
Without saying a word I rushed out and headed towards Mr Daxton's caravan,
I opened the front door, which we'd left from earlier. I reached for the
light switch to illuminate the gloomy kitchen. I opened a draw, there
was a packet of aspirin, I picked them up and ran.
As I got back to our tent I could see Dad holding Dick by the ankles and
sticking his enormous head in the washing up bowl, I got the aspirins
and mixed them with the Rennie,
Dick gulped the mixture down, once again we'd averted danger.
'I was only joking', said Dad, as he unbuttoned his flies in readiness
for a trip to the toilet block. 'Fish, chips, and meat pies all round
for everyone tonight', he added.
himself, and we all laughed!
I have seen-perhaps you were there too!
let me know!
For some reason, when I went to see a Live Band I kept a diary of what
they were like.
Here are some of the original reports:
Friday 3rd October 1975: Cambridge Corn Exchange.
Supporting Artist: Simon Boswell, Acoustic Guitar, Vocals.
Main Band: Camel.
Admission Fee: £ 1.40
Simon Boswell, Good guitar player, not very good singer or writer of songs.
He did five numbers, best of which was his own version of the twelve bar
Camel, four men made up the band, Peter Bardens, Andy Latimer, Doug Ferguson,
and Andy Ward.
Very good group, did two numbers, then whole of 'Snow Goose', went off
then encore, went off, another encore, went off then another encore.
Brilliant timing, great live band, also had a slide show for 'snow Goose'.
Friday 10th October 1975: Cambridge Corn Exchange.
Supporting Artist: Tea
Main Group: Baker Gurvitz Army.
Admission Fee: £1.50
Tea, a very good 5-piece band, drums, guitar, bass, keyboards, vocals.
Band come from Switzerland, they did a 45 minute spot, and one encore.
Baker Gurvitz Army, another 5-piece band, including world famous drummer,
Also featured the Gurvitz brothers, and Mr. Snips on vocals.
They did, People, Space Machine, Hustler, Inside of me, White Room, The
Artist, Sunshine of your love, and Baker did a 10-minute drum solo!
Best song was White Room.
Andy Clayton and Woo Mace also came.
Friday 31st October 1975: Cambridge Corn Exchange.
Supporting Artist: G.T. Moore & the Reggae Guitars.
Main Band: Dr. Feelgood.
Admission : £ 1.60.
G.T were two drummers, 1 bongo player, bass, organ, sax, two guitars,
and one singer.
Did forty minutes of Reggae music, not bad, one encore.
Dr. Feelgood, a great group! Wilko Johnson, guitar, Lee Brillaux ,singer,
The big figure, drums, and John B. Sparks, bass.
The venue was packed, but we got to the front, some of the songs were:
Roxette, Down by the Jetty, Riot in cell block #9, Back in the night,
Im a man, Balls of fire, and many more.
One encore, crowd going wild on Roxette. (Woo Mace came).
Friday 5th March 1976: Cambridge Corn exchange.
Support artist: Alphalpha.
Main band: Sailor.
Admission Fee: £1.40.
First band were a four-piece from London, two acoustic guitars, bass,
drums, did an hour set, some pretty good songs.
Sailor, another four-piece, very good, did a two-hour set and four encores.
Great timing! Best song was their no. 1 hit, Glass of Champagne.
Good lighting too, played many instruments, a huge Mexican guitar, a harp,
accordion and the nickelodeon. Andy Clayton and Fred Norman also came.
Friday 12th March 1976: Cambridge Corn Exchange.
Support Act: Graham Parker and the Rumour.
Main act: Thin Lizzy.
Admission Fee : £.1.40.
First act, not a bad group, did a 30 minute set.
All songs Rock n Roll, written by Parker, They were loud, but quite good.
Thin Lizzy, a very good group, Phil Lynott, Brian Downey, Scott Gorham
and Brian Robertson.
A great start with the clanking of doors and locks for about one minute
in the pitch black, then a flash bomb exploded and the band launched in
to Jailbreak, they did a 90-minute set including, The Rocker, Sha La La,
Rosalie, Suicide, Romeo and the lonely girl, Drummer did a 10-minute solo.
Got two encores. Andy Clayton also came.
Friday 19th March 1976: Cambridge Corn Exchange.
Support Act: Richard Barnes and Tony Hazzard.
Main Act: Camel.
Admission Fee : £1.40.
First act were two men with acoustic guitar's. Went down fairly well,
but had a lot of
Trouble with feed back. Audience quite good.
Main group had the same line up as last time and just as good. They did
two new song's from their new LP Moon madness was the first and then done
a few pieces from snow goose, which was really good as well.
They did a twenty minute encore and then finished. They also had a slide
show like before.
Gary, Fred ,Norman and Andy Clayton came.
Tuesday 8th June. 1976. Cambridge Corn Exchange.
Support Act : George Hatchet Band.
Main Act : Doctor Feelgood.
Admission Fee : £1.70.
Support act were good rock band. Six piece with two guitars, drums, organ,
bass and lead singer. Got a good reception and did one encore.
Doctor Feelgood played, I can tell, She does it right, Bonnie Morronie,
Rolling and Tumbling Back in the night, Cell block number nine, Going
back home, and Roxette. Still as good as ever. The temperature was about
70, and everyone was sweating, but it was a great show.
Andrew Dilks came and so did Andy Clayton.
Saturday 21st August. Knebworth Festival.
Support Acts : Todd Rungren, Lynyed Skinnerd, 10 CC. Don Harrison Band
and Hot Tuna.
Main Act : Rolling Stones.
Admission Fee : £4.50.
Arrived at 12 noon on Friday. Got a good place on the camp site. Got up
at 6am and started to queue at 7.30. Entered the arena at 9am and the
Don Harrison Band came on at 12 noon for 45 mins. Hot Tuna were a sought
of Cream based band and did some good songs lasting about 20 mins each.
Todd Rungren's spot was very good. He played for an hour. Lynyed Skinnerd
were from the U.S.A. They were very good. Best song was Alabama.
10 CC had a lot of trouble with feedback but finally got going. They did
One night in Paris, I'm not in love, I'm Mandy, fly me, Rubber Bullets,
and Wall street shuffle. They were a brilliant band and did one encore.
Rolling Stones hit the stage at about 11pm. They started with Satisfaction
and went on to do Get off my cloud, Little red rooster, Stray cat blues,
Around Around, Happy, Brown Sugar, Wild Horses, Tumbling Dice, Fool to
cry, Hot Stuff, Jumping Jack Flash, Midnight Rambler, Street Fighting
Man, let's spend the night together, Only rock and roll, You can't always
get what you want, Honky Tonk Woman, and 2 from Billy Preston. They were
fantastic and came off stage at 2am. We went home on Sunday morning. I
went with my mates Woo and Andy.
Norwich St. Andrews Hall. Beatle Convention.Admission Fee £1.80.
Support Act : Young World.
Main Act : Abbey Road.
Support act not very good. Main group were brilliant. They played She
loves you, Love me do, Get back, All you need is Love to name but a few.
Saturday 25th Sept. 1976.
Support Act : George Hatchet Band.
Main Act : Dr. Feelgood.
Support act came on about 8.30pm and played for 60 mins, with one encore.
They put on a very good show. Same line up as last time.
Dr Feelgood came on at 10pm and played Roxette, Going back home, Stupidity,
I am a man, and lots more. Brilliant show, one encore. Fred and Woo came.
Friday 27th of May 1977. Cambridge Corn Exchange.
Support Act : The Adverts.
Main Act : The Damned.
Admission Fee. £1.80.
The support act consisted of two drummers, one lead singer, one girl bass
player, and one guitarist. The singer looked like Johnny Rotten and they
were useless. They went on for an hour with songs that all sounded the
same. The Damned came on at 10.30pm.
They were, Rat Scabies (drums) Dave Vaninan (vocals) Brian Jones (guitar)
Captain Senseable (bass) and were better than The Adverts. They did Feel
All right, Neat Neat Neat, New Rose, Born to Kill, Stab your Back, and
Fish plus a few others off their album Damned Damned Damned. They finished
Friday 2nd December 1977: Cambridge Corn Exchange.
Support act: The Yachts
Main act: The Boomtown Rats.
Admission Fee: £2.00
Support group not very good at all, all songs sounded the same.
The Boomtown Rats played for an hour, doing Joey, Do the rat, Mary of
the fourth form, and encore of Looking after no. 1.
F riday 14th April 1978: Cambridge Corn Exchange.
Support group: Unknown
Main group: Wilko Johnson & the Blast furnace.
Admission Fee: £2.00
Support group quite good, a 5-piece rock n roll band.
Wilko as good as ever. Good band, Piano, drums, bass.
They did, paradise, 20 yards behind, she does it right, going back home,
boom boom and more.
Friday 12th May 1978:
Support band: The British Lions
Main Band: AC/DC.
Admission Fee: £2.00
The British Lions did forty five minutes, had problems with equipment
(kept going off).
Ex-members of Mott the Hoople, Boffin, Overend Watts, not a bad group.
AC/DC came on at 5 past 10 and did, Whole lotta Rosie, Let there be Rock,
Riff Raff, The Jack, Bad boy Boogie, Down payment Blues, they did one
encore and finished at 11.20PM.
Wednesday 15th November 1978: Hammersmith Odeon, London.
Support Act: Blazer Blazer.
Main act: AC/DC.
Admission Fee: £3.00.
Me Mitch and Brian went by car, really good theatre, all seats great view,
Blazer were quite good did 45 minutes and finished with Johnny B. Goode.
AC/DC started with Live Wire, then did, Sin City, Problem Child, Hell
ain't a bad place to be, Bad Boy Boogie, The Jack, Gone Shootin', Rosie,
Rocker, High Voltage, did one encore, Let There be Rock. Really Good!
August 1979: Wembley Stadium, London.
Support Acts: Nils Lofgren, Stranglers, AC/DC.
Main Act: The Who.
Nils Lofgren came on at 3 PM, played a good set for about 45 minutes he
did one encore.
AC/DC started with Live Wire, it was a funny mix for a start but at times
was very good.
They did very good, The Jack, Walk all over you, Highway to Hell, Shot
down in Flames and one encore of If you want Blood, You got it!
When the Stranglers hit the stage it was just getting dark, they finished
with a firework logo of their name, went down well, but they didn't do
The Who came on at 8.15PM, and the 72,000 fans were ecstatic, went straight
into Substitute, which was really good! The did, Can't Explain, Baba O'rielly,
5.15, Godfather & the punk, Pinball wizard, See me feel me, (this
is where they used laser beams and smoke effects, it was amazing). Boris
the spider, drowned, Who are You?, My generation, Magic Bus, sister Disco
and long live Rock!
Finished at 10.10 PM with Won't get fooled Again (with thunder flashes
on stadiums twin towers).
After a five minute ovation they came back to play Summertime blues and
The real me.
Got home at 1.15AM.